Philophobia

Hearing someone say that they’re scared of heights, or of confined spaces is common place enough. When you hear someone say that they’re phobic about dinner parties or French people, you raise an eyebrow. Then again, what’s the big deal? – all you need to do is decline invitations and stay away from the French! But when you hear about someone having a fear of love, you raise both your eyebrows, widen your mouth, and stop whatever you’re doing. How can someone be afraid of love? Is that even a thing?A big thing? What is Philophobia after all, and how does one live with it?

Philophobia has been derived from Greek word “filos” meaning loving or beloved. A philophobic person is extremely conscious to form any sort of loving attachment with anyone, and avoids any bonding. A philophobic person tries all possible ways to avoid forming any emotional attachment even if he/she has feelings within. This can be a serious problem when the phobia leads them to lead an isolated life.

A common cause for philophobia is past trauma, especially from broken relationships. This can be due to two reasons – trauma from the person’s own experience, or from witnessing someone else’s disastrous relationship, possibly a family member’s or a friend. A person who has given everything to a relationship only to have their heart broken may have very deep scars, making it difficult for them to move on. Growing up in a home where parents are continually hostile to each other can also cause a person to mistrust relationships in general.

Another cause for philophobia is an existing mental condition, like depression. Where in people with very low self-esteem may think of themselves as unworthy or undeserving of another person’s love, and this can keep them away from fully forming a relationship, even with people they actually like.

People in this world long for someone to shower them with all the affection and love they could have ever imagined. Love is like a beautiful gift everyone wishes for. As much as falling in love is appealing, it can be intimidating for others. Such type of unreasonable fear and anxiety that one would fall in love is known as Philophobia.

Philophobia and a relationship to someone

An extreme worry stems from believing that I never truly loved and appreciated that person and will never be able to. Despite of what we did together, what I mean is the bondings, the adventures we’ve embarked on together, and how comfortable I am just being around him. Philophobia makes me think about this," Don’t love him enough and he deserves someone who can do better".

Well, it would be one thing if the philophobia feelings were coupled with knowing I should leave, but the thought of not being with him hurts me more than it never did with anyone else. 

Am I just scared of being in a relationship? And the better the relationship gets, the stronger the philophobia? Am I getting point here?

I am aware that the entire philophobia problem is within myself, but I don’t know what needs to happen in order for me to truly appreciate the situation that I have made for myself. This concerns me a lot because I don’t want to miss out on this part of my life with him and I also know that I would horribly regret leaving the person who has been the best thing for me I ever had.

He has given me a desire to do my best that no one else ever has and I owe him the same effort. I don’t want to assume this wasn’t meant to be, or that the stars weren’t in alignment for this to work because I really feel like when you make the choice to be with someone, that relationship can be stronger than any relationship based out of infatuation.

I used to have a huge ego, and nothing I did could live up to it. I could talk for hours about how open and accepting I was of all kinds of things, but when it came to the action of it, I was the exact person I preached against.

The better the relationship, the worse the philophobia!

It seems that the more I have avoided being that person, and focusing my energy on actually doing well rather than pretending that I have good intentions, the more I have felt like I have philophobia. It’s backward and I wish that realization itself was all I needed to snap out of it.

I am just so confused and I don’t want to hurt anyone else in the process of learning how to resolve the this so I can be normal. I have even worried that if I ever let myself feel okay that there is some horrible karmic punishment waiting for me for not feeling bad about my past actions towards them.

Still, I’m aware that worrying isn’t going to change anything at all, never! I just feel like I have a really backward, flawed perception of life, and really want to be able to appreciate my situation as much as the next person. I want to allow myself to be affected by others and truly feel the love that is given to me, and that I attempt to give to others.

 I’m a living my passion (music) and have the opportunity to perform regularly. It’s a blast, really. So much in my life is going well,I guess and I  should feel more grateful, but I spend my time obsessed with my problems.Those not so so problems.

So, in terms of philophobia, I have a wonderfull supportive someone who is there for me in any way I need and makes me want to build myself up to be a better person every day. So it seems that I should feel just fine and not have a single doubt or worry about my life, especially not philophobia.

Dealing with philophobia

As mentioned earlier, philophobia is not your average fear of snakes or heights, and can be very hard for another person to understand. Even the person suffering from philophobia may not be able to fully comprehend why they are feeling this way, and why they can’t seem to make any relationship work while everyone around them are happily falling in love, getting married, and having families. This inability to grasp their situation can make them feel even worse about themselves, and lower their self-esteem further.

As for a person in love with a philophobic –You better get ready, you have your work cut out for you! Loving a person who fears love can be incredibly challenging, but this is a true test of whether your love is unconditional. As with any other condition, gathering as much information as you can about the phobia is imperative to be able to understand what your loved one is going through – they’re probably feeling more guilty and helpless than you are. First, ask yourself if you are ready for the challenge at hand and if you’re willing to wait for an undefined period of time to actually have a proper relationship with this person. If you are, then go ahead and give them all the support you can, and encourage them to take small but consistent steps in seeking proper treatment.

Life is unpredictable, love makes it worthwhile – all kinds of love. Falling in love is meant to be a beautiful experience, one that makes the harsh world seem a much better place for us. Not being able to experience this fully can leave a person feeling incomplete and unfulfilled. With a loving partner, family and friends, it is possible to overcome philophobia, slowly but surely, and truly begin to enjoy the wonders of a loving relationship. And when you support your philophobic partner to overcome their fear, you are only laying the foundation for a beautiful relationship in the future. As Lao Tzu said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Best way to react when someone is shouting at you in anger

Anger is the basic emotion that is observed across the globe in human cultures and in many subhuman species. So it is common among the human nature to get angry like he breathes it’s not only your boss it can be your love, family members, friends .Here we have few ways to tackle the person who is shouting at you in anger.

First of all if someone is shouting at you don’t react try to respond there is a huge difference between react and respond. Responding involves adapting the situation and choosing the right action. Whereas reacting does not involve thinking and is not helpful at all.

If you want to be the good responder listen to the person who is shouting at you carefully do not interrupt his speech listen to him till he finishes his turn. By listening to them you can bring his emotion down so be smart when someone shout at you.

If you react immediately to the person, you will often react in a Knee-jerk manner and the words come out may be over emotional, vicious and unnecessary. So if you react, the conversation never stops it keeps on. Remember one thing you cannot take back the words once it is delivered so be careful before you open up.

Once the angry man done with his turn count at least 5 slowly and then respond to the person ,by doing this you can get the control of the situation it will also calms down you and save you a lot from trouble and help you avoid something you cannot take back. It is the practical way to look at criticism and personal attacks.

Don’t accept the gift of a verbal abuse or angry criticism it’s all about the situation that makes them to shout at you but you have to be mature enough to handle the situation with presence of mind.

If you get angry by the words of the opposite person drink lot of water immediately if you have it nearby, it will helps you in great extent to bring your emotions down.

Once the conversation is done don’t take it personally whatever he said just put yourself in his place and think of the situation which motivates him to react.

If you feel that person always shout then don’t mind at all his nature of behavior is like that and I can say he won’t take it personal.

In the next day be the first person to talk to him address him with the smiling face if you feel the mistake is from your side ask sorry else if it is from his side don’t remind about what happened .

Angry person is like a bomb he/she may explode and spoil the things around so be careful when you handling them don’t contradict with their thoughts and don’t divert back the mistake is yours. keep calm ,listen and speak.

Dark lessons that life showed you

1. Never tell people 100%, tell them 70% about yourself, and 30% should be hidden.
2. Anyone you love can die. Any time. Cherish them.
3. Fairness is unnatural. Nothing is 100% fair.
4. Live life the way you want to live it. Because even people who care for you can’t be with you every step of the way.
5. People only want to hear the good, not the bad. So if you have issues, it’ll be hard to find people to confide in.
6. Respect yourself, because people can see if you don’t.
7. Everyone has a mask and they play different ones to different people. Lovers, families, coworkers…you’ll be surprised how different people can be in different social contexts.
8. Some people are evil for the sake of it. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU END UP IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT PERSON. GET OUT OF IT.
9. It doesn’t matter how good your grades are, because grades aren’t everything and people pay more attention to your social skills. Grades only take you halfway.
10. Once you hurt someone, they’re not likely to forget. They will alwaysremember how much you’ve hurt them. One negligible action can have devastating consequences.
11. Appearances DO matter. We live in a condemnatory, judgmental world. Your family, friends, coworkers, bosses will judge you for your actions to some extent.
12. It is impossible to please everyone. There will ALWAYS be someone who disagrees with you, and frankly, you’re not living life if you don’t have enemies. Better be someone with your own thoughts and opinions than a people pleaser.(Pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you know. They never say “no.” You can always count on them for a favor. In fact, they spend a great deal of time doing things for other people)

How can I stop myself from thinking too much?

I'm a 22 year old and I've started to find my life miserable because of this habit of wondering and getting so lost in my worlds and dreams. I've even started talking to myself and imagining impractical future situations.

A few years ago, I used to overthink uncontrollably. My mind was like on stimulant and I could hardly rest mentally. It almost killed me from the inside.

Fortunately, I don’t overthink anymore today. A whole new world is wide open for me.

HOW TO OVERCOME OVERTHINKING???

1. Understand the illusory nature of your thoughts.
1. You are not your mind. Instead, you are observer of your mind. Don’t accept/challenge this intellectually. Experience this by yourself.
2. Observe your thoughts. Put some time onto it and you’ll soon realize this: Thoughts aren’t real -they only appear real.
3. Thoughts are double-edged swords. Used correctly, you can reach great heights. Used incorrectly, you become your mind’s slave.
4. Whenever a thought arises, ask yourself: “Is this thought serving or enslaving me?”
5. Discard thoughts which don’t serve you.
2. Understand why you overthink.
   
1. Overthinking because your mind is actively looking for distractions to keep you mindlessly occupied…
2. So that you can temporarily run away from the deep, important problems, such as “Is this really the life I want?”, “What is my true potential?”, “I’m not happy, how I can change this?”, etc.
3. But you know you can’t run away from these problems. Stop hiding behind these problems by overthinking. Harsh truth: It’s useless.
4. Face your deep problems with courage. Everyone has his own deep problems. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.
5. Believe that you’ll overcome them - because you will.
3. Understand what you can do about your thoughts.
1. If they serve you, work on them.
2. If they don’t serve you, discard them.
3. If you’re unsure, write them down and revisit them later.
4. When overthinking is on steroid, put all your thoughts onto a piece of paper.
1. When you overthink uncontrollably, write literally everything that crosses your mind, or simply sketch them. Have a race with your mind see how well you can catch up with.
2. Soon, you’ll realize that overthinking is stupid. (That’s what I realized.) It’s a huge waste of time and mental energy.
3. You’ll be impressed by your creativity in making horror stories. Again, what a waste! Imagine how much you can achieve if you put your creativity on something positive and productive, such as creating businesses, writing or drawing.
4. So the good news is: If you can overthink, you’re probably creative. :)
5. Your job is to utilize your creativity the right way.
5. Exercise for at least 3o minutes a day.
   
1. When you exercise, be present in the moment. Feel your muscles moving, feel your heart pumping and feel your sweat coming out from your sweat pores.
2. After exercising, drink water mindfully. Feel your activated body.
3. Then, pick one thing to focus.
6. Pick one thing to focus.
1. This is the crucial step which will turn your life around.
2. Pick one thing to focus, not coming up with twenties thoughts to “feel productive”.
3. Try to focus on something you’re interested in. Examples: Reading, writing, solving a mathematics problem/Sudoku, gardening, cooking.
4. Once you catch yourself doing the latter, practice #4.
5. Start small. As your focusing muscle improves, you can take on greater tasks without being hindered by overthinking.
7. Finally, remember that:
   
1. Building focusing muscle takes time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Be patient.
2. Momentum is key. Curing overthinking is a marathon, not a sprint.
3. These habits aren’t sexy. But they work. At least for me. Little by little

What are the best ways to improve your intelligence?

1. Read a lot of books on one topic - I know bloggers are really trying now and some online courses are really superb but nothing comes close to a good book. When you read a book, you get hooked on someone else's life journey and research. If you read a lot of books, you will be packed full of smart people's ideas and experiences.
2. Talk to smart people - talking to smart people makes you open new pathways in your brain. You get new ideas and you are thrown out of your bubble as you get a new perspective on things.
3. Have a smart boyfriend or girlfriend - you will get intimidated a lot and nobody will teach you before you start reading.
   
4. Write a blog post on a random topic - my mentor taught me this and it's the fastest way to go about learning anything. Just choose to write a blog post about it, you don't have to publish it or anything like that, but by having this goal in mind, your study and research sticks better and you are able to remember a lot of what you learn. Thank you sir!
5. Sleep more - it's counter-intuitive you know. You would think studying more will make you more intelligent but that's wrong. Research shows our attention span is really short, so anything you read when you are stressed goes down the drain. But if you sleep more and you're relaxed, information tends to stick around.
6. Use the pomodoro technique while studying - do 25 minutes of intense focused work followed by 5-10 minutes of play and relaxation and then repeat. This is what I do when I have a lot to learn. If you do this for 4-6 sections, you would cover more than some people do in 2 days. Trust me. By the way, The pomodoro technique is a proven and popular time management life hack.
   The main premise behind the technique is to work in blocks of time, typically 25 minutes long (called pomodoro sessions), followed by a 5 minute break. Each pomodoro session should demand your full attention on one task, every break requires you to step away from your work to rest.
7. Play chess - this game does only one thing. It gets into your head and it loosens those brain cells. Just be ready for some discomfort when starting out.
8. Take time out alone to think - I do this and I've got most of best blog post ideas doing this. Just take some time alone to think exclusively about something. You can hold a note to jot down your thoughts and you can think of anything - your life, quantum mechanics, Facebook, magic, love, money or whatever.
9. Write down 10 ideas everyday - I stole this from James Altucher. If you really want to let loose that intelligence, start writing down 10 ideas everyday. As you can see, I just wrote 10 ideas on increasing your intelligence. Your ideas can be about anything. You can combine this with 8 above. This is one of his books that I've read using my phone.
   
10. Have smarter friends - if you ignore everything I just wrote, don't ignore this. You are the average of your 5 closest friends, so if you want to be more intelligent. Dump your dumb friend and start hanging out with intelligent folks.
    

What should you never try in life?

What should you never try in life?

1. Never try smoking.
2. Never ignore parents for others. Parents come first.
3. Never try borrowing money.
4. Never let anyone control your life. Be independent. Be yourself.
5. Never avoid your health.
   
6. Never speak if not needed. Speak only if it adds value to the conversation.
7. Never ignore your family or friends because of your work.
8. Never spend more than you earn.
9. Never be too judgmental.
10. Never forget those who have helped you in times of hardship.
11. Never say Never. 
    
12. Never ever say ”I quit”.
13. Never be materialistic.
14. Never deny a fact.
15. Never get into an argument with rational people.
16. Never deny taking risk to do something new.
17. Never deny being grateful and thankful for what you have.
    

Different kind of customers

The man who lied about his son dying.

"I had another man tell me his child was dead so they wouldn't have to continue paying on the student loan debt. When I then asked for a certified death certificate, he laughed, and said he was kidding. He proceeded to pay over the phone with a credit card in a very long, awkward silence." -___-

The cocaine incident.

"I work for an AT&T call center and I think the strangest call I had was from a woman whose boyfriend had kicked her out and suspended her phone line after he had already burned her belongings. All because she refused to let him use cocaine in the house..."

The caller who was a little too candid.

"I once had a caller tell me, 'My period looks like ground beef and catsup. Will your vitamins help with that?'"

The raging misogynist.

"Working in tech support I was walking a guy through how to reset his router and he became frustrated so he said, 'Listen sweetie, I know you're trying, but why don't you put a man on the phone who knows how to do this stuff.'"

The potential murderer.

"I was making a first call to a customer. The name was female so when a man picked up I just expected it to be a classic wrong number conversation. Wrong. The man said, 'Call this number again and I will fucking kill you.'"

The man who thinks sex will solve all life's problems.

"I sell cellphones to senior citizens — yeah, the Jitterbug ones. I had a 'gentleman' call in asking if I can reduce his bill since he used way too many minutes than allowed. I, of course, told him no and he kept insisting. Finally he gave up. He then got quiet and said, "Get laid." My response? "Yes sir, I will. Tonight. Unlike you. Have a fantastic evening."

The lunatic.

"I was told 'Shut the fuck up, I will blow up the building you work in, find your family and kill them all,' and then he proceeded to kindly ask to be removed from the calling list and told me to enjoy the rest of my evening."

The caller who managed to take vulgarity to new heights.

"You have a nice voice. I would like to make your panties wet and suck the cum right out of you." —anonymous caller

The caller who thought high school insults were still a thing.

"My boss was told she was a selfish, heartless, b**** that was just like Hitler. She also had a customer ask her if she even graduated high school because she 'was so stupid.'"

The woman who destroyed her own home.

"My husband worked in a call center as a loan collector. He once called a woman who got so angry at him she proceeded to destroy her kitchen and blame him for everything she did. She also told him exactly what she was doing, very calmly, while she was doing it: 'You are making me so angry. I'm so angry I'm going to flip the table. And this chair. And the stove. Look, now I flipped the stove.'"

The caller who gave new meaning to what it meant to be a terrible human.

"I worked for a bank call center and at the time I was a manager. A customer requested a call back because her son's savings account had been getting service charges for over two years and she never noticed. I called back to tell her we couldn't refund all of the fees because they were too old. She proceeded to tell me I was white trash who was obviously underqualified for my job and would amount to nothing in my life. I was 21, in college, and horribly depressed. Worst call ever. I am now 27, a high school history teacher, getting my master's degree. She still pops into my mind."

The person who thinks it's cute to verbally abuse someone you don't know.

"This is all from one customer who began the call with 'I'm having a bad day and you can't hang up on me so I'm gonna take it out on you.' 'I hope you get hit by solar flares,' 'walk into your president's office, and shoot him in the head.' 'I hope your entire company gets hit by a nuclear bomb.'"

The racist.

"More than once, someone with a thick Southern accent would say, 'That last fellow sounded black, so I hung up and dialed y'all again. I'm glad you don't sound black. I'm not racist, I just don't trust n*****s.'"

The caller who could probably win an Academy Award.

"I was accused of ruining a child's Christmas because her present wouldn't arrive on time.They wanted to make me feel bad for it, as if it were my fault that she had ordered the package two days before Christmas. Then, the lady proceeded to cry on the phone…"

The customer who needed a second opinion.

"Someone once called me and asked me if she should have the sweet and sour chicken with white rice or chow mein. I worked at a call center for a bank. I said chow mein and she said thanks, lol."

The very violent caller.

"I worked in collections for Conn's. A lady told me that she was going to find out what building I worked in, drive her truck through it and kill me. That's when it all made sense that we had a police officer at the front door at all times to check our badges."

The lady with oil-like nipples.

"I worked in a call center for a car dealership. This lady was telling me how she got her oil changed at a local shop and the bottom of her oil filter had 'a circle thing that looked like her nipples.' Haha, not nipples in general — HER NIPPLES!? I died of laughter when the phone call ended and it was the office joke for a while haha."

The person who was maybe a murderer.

"I once asked a man why he fell behind on his house payment & he told me because of the trial. I, working at a bank, thought trial payments of some sort. So I asked him what trial? His response: the trial for my daughter's murder. So I turned into the biggest asshole ever. Looked it up after we got off the phone & it was true."

The one with an interesting fetish.

"You are pissing me off so much, I wish I could just drag my balls across your face right now."

The person with weird demands.

"Once I had a customer tell me to 'eat my own shit' and that she was gonna come to the call center and 'pee on me.'"

The one with the plopping feces.

"I had one customer call in while he was pooping. I knew he was pooping because he had me on speaker phone and I could hear every little plop. I even heard him flush the toilet at the end."

Thank you for reading...

Credits to the senders...☺