Love scares people

Love is patient, love is kind, and most of all, love scares people. It's silly, but if you say "I love you," and your partner doesn't say "I love you" back, one reason might be like this, they are afraid of love.People has so many misconceptions about what love means that the fear and confusion is understandable.

We are taught that love means that you are supposed to be with somebody forever; we are taught that love means that you want to control something about that person. We are taught that falling in love involves losing a part of yourself to another person. None of these things are true, but all of them jeopardize the way individuals approach love in our society.

It's really sad, because by placing too much value on these flawed cultural conceptions of love, people end up depriving themselves from experiencing love authentically, and end up creating the very scenario they fear.

Because they fear losing somebody, they let love be the reason why they cling onto a relationship long after it should have ended. Because they are terrified of being controlled, they cling so tightly to their concept of singleness and freedom that they miss out on forming genuine, lasting attachments with other people.

Because they fear that they'll lose a part of themselves if they fall in love, they either maintain strict boundaries that cut themselves off from receiving care, or they get so wrapped up in the relationship that they forget their own goals and ambitions.

The thing is, love is not some coveted rarity. And, in a relationship, love shouldn't come as a surprise. If you aren't acting out of love, then what are you doing with this person in the first place?

But it is true that meaningful, lasting love needs time to develop. And just because a person fears love doesn't mean that a relationship can't work. You might just need more time to create a stable foundation.

Maybe this person needs more time to figure out how they express love, and recognize it in their lives. Maybe they need more evidence that you are a person they can place their trust in. Many people have been hurt by people who claimed to have loved them. Even though I advocate exercising fearlessness in love, it's not a surprise that we approach love with caution.

Now, I am the kind of person for whom love isn't a secret. I tell my friends I love them every time I see them. I tell the dog I love him every time I leave the house. It's a genuine expression of feeling, but it also doesn't have any goal when I express it. I just want to initiate the energy exchange that love brings.

If you have expressed to your partner that you love them with the expectation that they'll say it back, then you might think the recognition of love is leading to, or changing, something. You may be expressing love, but only thinking about what you're getting in return. Love doesn't always work that way. The point of love is loving—nothing less and nothing more.

It might sound a bit ludicrous to claim that "I love you," doesn't need to be said back, but it's true. When you are expressing love, you are telling that person that you adore the parts of them that you understand, and you want to carry those parts with you. Whether or not they say it back doesn't change how you feel.

Although you may get the response you were hoping for, you should be okay if they can’t quite return the feelings yet! You should only say “I love you” if that’s how you really feel. Don’t expect anything in return; just hope for the best! If you truly do love them, you should be willing to wait until they can figure out their feelings and say they love you when they really feel it. You don’t want them to say something they don't mean just to please you.  

If someone gets scared away because they hear that they are lovable, it isn't your fault and you lose nothing. When you feel love for someone else, you don't always need them to say it back in order for you to feel it yourself. Love exists within you and without you at all times.

Philophobia

Hearing someone say that they’re scared of heights, or of confined spaces is common place enough. When you hear someone say that they’re phobic about dinner parties or French people, you raise an eyebrow. Then again, what’s the big deal? – all you need to do is decline invitations and stay away from the French! But when you hear about someone having a fear of love, you raise both your eyebrows, widen your mouth, and stop whatever you’re doing. How can someone be afraid of love? Is that even a thing?A big thing? What is Philophobia after all, and how does one live with it?

Philophobia has been derived from Greek word “filos” meaning loving or beloved. A philophobic person is extremely conscious to form any sort of loving attachment with anyone, and avoids any bonding. A philophobic person tries all possible ways to avoid forming any emotional attachment even if he/she has feelings within. This can be a serious problem when the phobia leads them to lead an isolated life.

A common cause for philophobia is past trauma, especially from broken relationships. This can be due to two reasons – trauma from the person’s own experience, or from witnessing someone else’s disastrous relationship, possibly a family member’s or a friend. A person who has given everything to a relationship only to have their heart broken may have very deep scars, making it difficult for them to move on. Growing up in a home where parents are continually hostile to each other can also cause a person to mistrust relationships in general.

Another cause for philophobia is an existing mental condition, like depression. Where in people with very low self-esteem may think of themselves as unworthy or undeserving of another person’s love, and this can keep them away from fully forming a relationship, even with people they actually like.

People in this world long for someone to shower them with all the affection and love they could have ever imagined. Love is like a beautiful gift everyone wishes for. As much as falling in love is appealing, it can be intimidating for others. Such type of unreasonable fear and anxiety that one would fall in love is known as Philophobia.

Philophobia and a relationship to someone

An extreme worry stems from believing that I never truly loved and appreciated that person and will never be able to. Despite of what we did together, what I mean is the bondings, the adventures we’ve embarked on together, and how comfortable I am just being around him. Philophobia makes me think about this," Don’t love him enough and he deserves someone who can do better".

Well, it would be one thing if the philophobia feelings were coupled with knowing I should leave, but the thought of not being with him hurts me more than it never did with anyone else. 

Am I just scared of being in a relationship? And the better the relationship gets, the stronger the philophobia? Am I getting point here?

I am aware that the entire philophobia problem is within myself, but I don’t know what needs to happen in order for me to truly appreciate the situation that I have made for myself. This concerns me a lot because I don’t want to miss out on this part of my life with him and I also know that I would horribly regret leaving the person who has been the best thing for me I ever had.

He has given me a desire to do my best that no one else ever has and I owe him the same effort. I don’t want to assume this wasn’t meant to be, or that the stars weren’t in alignment for this to work because I really feel like when you make the choice to be with someone, that relationship can be stronger than any relationship based out of infatuation.

I used to have a huge ego, and nothing I did could live up to it. I could talk for hours about how open and accepting I was of all kinds of things, but when it came to the action of it, I was the exact person I preached against.

The better the relationship, the worse the philophobia!

It seems that the more I have avoided being that person, and focusing my energy on actually doing well rather than pretending that I have good intentions, the more I have felt like I have philophobia. It’s backward and I wish that realization itself was all I needed to snap out of it.

I am just so confused and I don’t want to hurt anyone else in the process of learning how to resolve the this so I can be normal. I have even worried that if I ever let myself feel okay that there is some horrible karmic punishment waiting for me for not feeling bad about my past actions towards them.

Still, I’m aware that worrying isn’t going to change anything at all, never! I just feel like I have a really backward, flawed perception of life, and really want to be able to appreciate my situation as much as the next person. I want to allow myself to be affected by others and truly feel the love that is given to me, and that I attempt to give to others.

 I’m a living my passion (music) and have the opportunity to perform regularly. It’s a blast, really. So much in my life is going well,I guess and I  should feel more grateful, but I spend my time obsessed with my problems.Those not so so problems.

So, in terms of philophobia, I have a wonderfull supportive someone who is there for me in any way I need and makes me want to build myself up to be a better person every day. So it seems that I should feel just fine and not have a single doubt or worry about my life, especially not philophobia.

Dealing with philophobia

As mentioned earlier, philophobia is not your average fear of snakes or heights, and can be very hard for another person to understand. Even the person suffering from philophobia may not be able to fully comprehend why they are feeling this way, and why they can’t seem to make any relationship work while everyone around them are happily falling in love, getting married, and having families. This inability to grasp their situation can make them feel even worse about themselves, and lower their self-esteem further.

As for a person in love with a philophobic –You better get ready, you have your work cut out for you! Loving a person who fears love can be incredibly challenging, but this is a true test of whether your love is unconditional. As with any other condition, gathering as much information as you can about the phobia is imperative to be able to understand what your loved one is going through – they’re probably feeling more guilty and helpless than you are. First, ask yourself if you are ready for the challenge at hand and if you’re willing to wait for an undefined period of time to actually have a proper relationship with this person. If you are, then go ahead and give them all the support you can, and encourage them to take small but consistent steps in seeking proper treatment.

Life is unpredictable, love makes it worthwhile – all kinds of love. Falling in love is meant to be a beautiful experience, one that makes the harsh world seem a much better place for us. Not being able to experience this fully can leave a person feeling incomplete and unfulfilled. With a loving partner, family and friends, it is possible to overcome philophobia, slowly but surely, and truly begin to enjoy the wonders of a loving relationship. And when you support your philophobic partner to overcome their fear, you are only laying the foundation for a beautiful relationship in the future. As Lao Tzu said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Best way to react when someone is shouting at you in anger

Anger is the basic emotion that is observed across the globe in human cultures and in many subhuman species. So it is common among the human nature to get angry like he breathes it’s not only your boss it can be your love, family members, friends .Here we have few ways to tackle the person who is shouting at you in anger.

First of all if someone is shouting at you don’t react try to respond there is a huge difference between react and respond. Responding involves adapting the situation and choosing the right action. Whereas reacting does not involve thinking and is not helpful at all.

If you want to be the good responder listen to the person who is shouting at you carefully do not interrupt his speech listen to him till he finishes his turn. By listening to them you can bring his emotion down so be smart when someone shout at you.

If you react immediately to the person, you will often react in a Knee-jerk manner and the words come out may be over emotional, vicious and unnecessary. So if you react, the conversation never stops it keeps on. Remember one thing you cannot take back the words once it is delivered so be careful before you open up.

Once the angry man done with his turn count at least 5 slowly and then respond to the person ,by doing this you can get the control of the situation it will also calms down you and save you a lot from trouble and help you avoid something you cannot take back. It is the practical way to look at criticism and personal attacks.

Don’t accept the gift of a verbal abuse or angry criticism it’s all about the situation that makes them to shout at you but you have to be mature enough to handle the situation with presence of mind.

If you get angry by the words of the opposite person drink lot of water immediately if you have it nearby, it will helps you in great extent to bring your emotions down.

Once the conversation is done don’t take it personally whatever he said just put yourself in his place and think of the situation which motivates him to react.

If you feel that person always shout then don’t mind at all his nature of behavior is like that and I can say he won’t take it personal.

In the next day be the first person to talk to him address him with the smiling face if you feel the mistake is from your side ask sorry else if it is from his side don’t remind about what happened .

Angry person is like a bomb he/she may explode and spoil the things around so be careful when you handling them don’t contradict with their thoughts and don’t divert back the mistake is yours. keep calm ,listen and speak.

Dark lessons that life showed you

1. Never tell people 100%, tell them 70% about yourself, and 30% should be hidden.
2. Anyone you love can die. Any time. Cherish them.
3. Fairness is unnatural. Nothing is 100% fair.
4. Live life the way you want to live it. Because even people who care for you can’t be with you every step of the way.
5. People only want to hear the good, not the bad. So if you have issues, it’ll be hard to find people to confide in.
6. Respect yourself, because people can see if you don’t.
7. Everyone has a mask and they play different ones to different people. Lovers, families, coworkers…you’ll be surprised how different people can be in different social contexts.
8. Some people are evil for the sake of it. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU END UP IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT PERSON. GET OUT OF IT.
9. It doesn’t matter how good your grades are, because grades aren’t everything and people pay more attention to your social skills. Grades only take you halfway.
10. Once you hurt someone, they’re not likely to forget. They will alwaysremember how much you’ve hurt them. One negligible action can have devastating consequences.
11. Appearances DO matter. We live in a condemnatory, judgmental world. Your family, friends, coworkers, bosses will judge you for your actions to some extent.
12. It is impossible to please everyone. There will ALWAYS be someone who disagrees with you, and frankly, you’re not living life if you don’t have enemies. Better be someone with your own thoughts and opinions than a people pleaser.(Pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you know. They never say “no.” You can always count on them for a favor. In fact, they spend a great deal of time doing things for other people)

How can I stop myself from thinking too much?

I'm a 22 year old and I've started to find my life miserable because of this habit of wondering and getting so lost in my worlds and dreams. I've even started talking to myself and imagining impractical future situations.

A few years ago, I used to overthink uncontrollably. My mind was like on stimulant and I could hardly rest mentally. It almost killed me from the inside.

Fortunately, I don’t overthink anymore today. A whole new world is wide open for me.

HOW TO OVERCOME OVERTHINKING???

1. Understand the illusory nature of your thoughts.
1. You are not your mind. Instead, you are observer of your mind. Don’t accept/challenge this intellectually. Experience this by yourself.
2. Observe your thoughts. Put some time onto it and you’ll soon realize this: Thoughts aren’t real -they only appear real.
3. Thoughts are double-edged swords. Used correctly, you can reach great heights. Used incorrectly, you become your mind’s slave.
4. Whenever a thought arises, ask yourself: “Is this thought serving or enslaving me?”
5. Discard thoughts which don’t serve you.
2. Understand why you overthink.
   
1. Overthinking because your mind is actively looking for distractions to keep you mindlessly occupied…
2. So that you can temporarily run away from the deep, important problems, such as “Is this really the life I want?”, “What is my true potential?”, “I’m not happy, how I can change this?”, etc.
3. But you know you can’t run away from these problems. Stop hiding behind these problems by overthinking. Harsh truth: It’s useless.
4. Face your deep problems with courage. Everyone has his own deep problems. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.
5. Believe that you’ll overcome them - because you will.
3. Understand what you can do about your thoughts.
1. If they serve you, work on them.
2. If they don’t serve you, discard them.
3. If you’re unsure, write them down and revisit them later.
4. When overthinking is on steroid, put all your thoughts onto a piece of paper.
1. When you overthink uncontrollably, write literally everything that crosses your mind, or simply sketch them. Have a race with your mind see how well you can catch up with.
2. Soon, you’ll realize that overthinking is stupid. (That’s what I realized.) It’s a huge waste of time and mental energy.
3. You’ll be impressed by your creativity in making horror stories. Again, what a waste! Imagine how much you can achieve if you put your creativity on something positive and productive, such as creating businesses, writing or drawing.
4. So the good news is: If you can overthink, you’re probably creative. :)
5. Your job is to utilize your creativity the right way.
5. Exercise for at least 3o minutes a day.
   
1. When you exercise, be present in the moment. Feel your muscles moving, feel your heart pumping and feel your sweat coming out from your sweat pores.
2. After exercising, drink water mindfully. Feel your activated body.
3. Then, pick one thing to focus.
6. Pick one thing to focus.
1. This is the crucial step which will turn your life around.
2. Pick one thing to focus, not coming up with twenties thoughts to “feel productive”.
3. Try to focus on something you’re interested in. Examples: Reading, writing, solving a mathematics problem/Sudoku, gardening, cooking.
4. Once you catch yourself doing the latter, practice #4.
5. Start small. As your focusing muscle improves, you can take on greater tasks without being hindered by overthinking.
7. Finally, remember that:
   
1. Building focusing muscle takes time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Be patient.
2. Momentum is key. Curing overthinking is a marathon, not a sprint.
3. These habits aren’t sexy. But they work. At least for me. Little by little

What are the best ways to improve your intelligence?

1. Read a lot of books on one topic - I know bloggers are really trying now and some online courses are really superb but nothing comes close to a good book. When you read a book, you get hooked on someone else's life journey and research. If you read a lot of books, you will be packed full of smart people's ideas and experiences.
2. Talk to smart people - talking to smart people makes you open new pathways in your brain. You get new ideas and you are thrown out of your bubble as you get a new perspective on things.
3. Have a smart boyfriend or girlfriend - you will get intimidated a lot and nobody will teach you before you start reading.
   
4. Write a blog post on a random topic - my mentor taught me this and it's the fastest way to go about learning anything. Just choose to write a blog post about it, you don't have to publish it or anything like that, but by having this goal in mind, your study and research sticks better and you are able to remember a lot of what you learn. Thank you sir!
5. Sleep more - it's counter-intuitive you know. You would think studying more will make you more intelligent but that's wrong. Research shows our attention span is really short, so anything you read when you are stressed goes down the drain. But if you sleep more and you're relaxed, information tends to stick around.
6. Use the pomodoro technique while studying - do 25 minutes of intense focused work followed by 5-10 minutes of play and relaxation and then repeat. This is what I do when I have a lot to learn. If you do this for 4-6 sections, you would cover more than some people do in 2 days. Trust me. By the way, The pomodoro technique is a proven and popular time management life hack.
   The main premise behind the technique is to work in blocks of time, typically 25 minutes long (called pomodoro sessions), followed by a 5 minute break. Each pomodoro session should demand your full attention on one task, every break requires you to step away from your work to rest.
7. Play chess - this game does only one thing. It gets into your head and it loosens those brain cells. Just be ready for some discomfort when starting out.
8. Take time out alone to think - I do this and I've got most of best blog post ideas doing this. Just take some time alone to think exclusively about something. You can hold a note to jot down your thoughts and you can think of anything - your life, quantum mechanics, Facebook, magic, love, money or whatever.
9. Write down 10 ideas everyday - I stole this from James Altucher. If you really want to let loose that intelligence, start writing down 10 ideas everyday. As you can see, I just wrote 10 ideas on increasing your intelligence. Your ideas can be about anything. You can combine this with 8 above. This is one of his books that I've read using my phone.
   
10. Have smarter friends - if you ignore everything I just wrote, don't ignore this. You are the average of your 5 closest friends, so if you want to be more intelligent. Dump your dumb friend and start hanging out with intelligent folks.
    

What should you never try in life?

What should you never try in life?

1. Never try smoking.
2. Never ignore parents for others. Parents come first.
3. Never try borrowing money.
4. Never let anyone control your life. Be independent. Be yourself.
5. Never avoid your health.
   
6. Never speak if not needed. Speak only if it adds value to the conversation.
7. Never ignore your family or friends because of your work.
8. Never spend more than you earn.
9. Never be too judgmental.
10. Never forget those who have helped you in times of hardship.
11. Never say Never. 
    
12. Never ever say ”I quit”.
13. Never be materialistic.
14. Never deny a fact.
15. Never get into an argument with rational people.
16. Never deny taking risk to do something new.
17. Never deny being grateful and thankful for what you have.